Right Here, Right Now

I clench my fist

At the sight of you

You drew me in

And then tossed me through.

 

You thought you stood tall

But I saw you fall

 

Back to your natural instincts

Confiding in others

I see your yelp for help

Please, get help

 

You know my promise

In your good times and bad

Feeling I had left you

Only makes me sad

 

Here is where you stand

Quite literally,

Right here

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“A Self Love Story”

There she sat
Frustrated as could be.
The blind caterpillar
That just could not see.

She walked into walls
With frustration gripping her every move.
Not able to grow tall
She felt very small.

A vacant look from someone
Meant a stab in the chest.
But, in reality it meant
She could not easily rest.

Is it me?
Or is it them?
I can’t see
I can’t see

She cared way too much
About what her mates might think.
That her true self
Began to shrink.

A few years passed by
With experience and all.
She whispered to herself
That she wasn’t going to dare fall.

“I’m going to set myself free.
And the most beautiful part is,
That anyone can see.
Because, finally, after all these years,
I’m okay with being me”

A simple cocoon she began to spin
Her caterpillar self was encased within
Until a different self emerged
Her heart leapt, her emotions surged

While others saw a different her
What she saw and what she knew
Was that she had followed her heart
All the way through

A Couple’s Last Dance – Poem

Let’s go to a dance
Where there is an abundance of romance
Where we can sway our hips 
And kiss each others’ lips

Look into my blue eyes
The ones you’ve always admired
They will make you smile
And want to walk down that long aisle

But first, promise me this
When it comes time to lay me down to rest
You will be fine
And push yourself to do your very best

Take my hand and walk me into the bright light
There I will depart
But never will I depart
From your golden heart

Let go, darling
Please, let go

It’s time for my wings to spread
It’s time for me to fly
Just know that deep inside
You’ll always be mine

The Girl Beneath Black Ice – Poem

She wore her pink dress well
She just couldn’t see it.
Until she fell down a few times
She’d be forced to believe it.

And so, there she fell, miles under the sea
Down, down she went, only to believe she wouldn’t ever be free.
When one day, she hit rock bottom and her body became frozen
But by then, her mind was far from wide open.

In her heart, she yearned to set herself free
So upwards she swam, as forcefully as could be.
She knew she couldn’t beat around the bush
And so, she was forced to push

She pushed and she pushed

As time passed by, she started to believe she was worth it
She whispered to herself that she sure as hell wasn’t going to forfeit
She was going to win this game by at least a mile
When one day, she finally came to realize she was truly worthwhile

She wore her pink dress well
And now she sees it.
It took hitting rock bottom many times,
For her to finally believe it.

The Value of my Authentic Self

This poem is called “From Within”

I will not let you twirl out of this world
Not today, not tomorrow, or the next day.
You’re too good of a person to me
No honey, I will not let you be

Your thoughts are merely an image of your reflection
And when you hide from the world
I will have to spy on you and your objection

These foolish mind games you play
Will have to die today
I’m not sorry
I will kill each one of them, in spite of what you say

Don’t be ashamed
Don’t be afraid to claim your game
When you finally start fighting for you
Eventually, I will too

I will fight for you in the morning and the evening
Yes, I will help you to retrieve your meaning
And when you’ve finished writing your inner story
I will help you publish your inner glory.

Stay golden!

 

This poem is called “Strength”

Let me take your hand
Stay calm, darling
I will lead you to your destiny 
But first, we must follow some rules

Do not run, only walk
Do not think, only be

Your time will arrive, so do not rush what hasn’t come.
You will only become who you are, not who you want to be
So please darling, listen to me
I know best
Listen to me, without any distress

The clouds from above are pure and white
Just like how you want to make all things right

I will laugh with you and cry with you
But, I will promise you one thing
Only you can push you through

 

This poem is called “Our souls will never detach”

Wave to me
But don’t let me be
I miss you as I quiver my lips to sleep
Only then will you return to me deep

Even in the brightest of days do I become sad
You’re truly all that I had
I wish you well up in the sky
I promise you, I’ll try not to cry

Some days are harder than others
But the easy days are what get me through
And even when I’m feeling blue
I’ll be wishing nothing but the best for you

Can you hear my voice?
Can you hear my sound?
Because when you’re not watching
I promise, I’ll always stick around

Stay beautiful!

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The Adventures Continue

The wonderful thing about Los Angeles is that it has its beaches, mountains and cities. I will never have an excuse as to why I am bored on my days off.

I recently went on a hike to the Hollywood sign. Everything about the Hollywood sign experience was thrilling, except for the fact that I got extremely sunburnt on my shoulders. I happened to meet some lovely friends along the way. So, here is how that hike went.

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I walked from the bottom of Griffith Park to the top, to the “Griffith Observatory.” I wanted to go the the Hollywood sign alone, but I was somewhat fearful to by myself. However, that didn’t stop me. I decided to go because that’s just the kind of girl I am. When I reached the top of the Griffith Observatory, I silently told myself that if I don’t do this now, I will regret it later. I know myself too well. I had made an executive decision to go by myself that day.  When I reached the sign for the “Hollywood sign,” my nerves quickly built. The sign read, “Want to see the Hollywood sign? Be prepared. Bring plenty of water. The sign is nearly 4 miles away. Take W Observatory Rd (behind you to the left) down the base of Mt Hollywood Drive. Follow the signs from there.” After reading this, I took a deep breath and quietly muttered “oh jeez.” I was not nearly prepared for this hike, as I had already drank half of my water bottle. I had a limited amount of sunscreen, but enough to get by. When I walked away from the sign, I glanced to my right and noticed a nice couple whom I quickly realized did not speak any English. They were pointing to the Hollywood sign and so I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn’t say a word and just watched them for a second or two. Then, as they were about to walk away, I stopped them and said “Excuse me. Hi there, are you looking to hike to the Hollywood sign?” I was desperately hoping they would say yes and was also hoping they spoke a little bit of English. The girl turned to me and said “Yes, we are. Are you?” I said yes, too. I then introduced myself and she introduced herself as Caroline. She also introduced her husband to me, Rodrigo. Right from the getgo, I could tell they were both outgoing and friendly. I knew next what I wanted to ask, and I hesitated for a moment, but then got the courage to ask if I could join them. The time between my question and their answer was slightly painful. To my surprise, Caroline said “Well of course. We would be lost without you.” I was in complete shock, yet still ecstatic. A huge grin spread across my face and onward we marched.

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When I meet new people for the first time, it can be a little bit uncomfortable in the beginning because I feel as if I am always trying to break an awkward silence. However, for some reason this was not the case. Caroline, Rodrigo and I just clicked. Perhaps this is because I am more outgoing and confident these days. I felt comfortable with them, just as they did with me. Of course my first question to them was, “where are you from?” They said they were both from Brazil and they were here for vacation. I was glad to hear this. We walked further away from the city and deeper into the mountains. There was an increase in altitude as well. Luckily, we chatted the entire way, which was a great distraction from how tired I actually was.

Caroline’s English was not that good, but it was good enough to where I could understand her and to where we could have an intelligent conversation. Whenever she thought she said something incorrectly in English, she would kindly ask me to correct her…and I did. I find great comfort in knowing that a transcendent connection between two people does not have to be created through noise, but rather can be generated and maintained in silence. Sometimes, Caroline and I would look at each other and just smile, without saying any words. Isn’t it a beautiful thing when a simple glance followed by a smile is enough? Well, I believe so.

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At a certain point during our hike, we hit a dead end. We could have either gone to the right or to the left. If we were to turn left, it would have taken us in front of the sign and if we were to turn right, it would have taken us farther up the mountain and to the back of the sign. My immediate thought was to go to the right. However, Caroline wanted to go to the left because she wanted to get pictures in front of the sign. I convinced her that we should go to the right first. I told her that she will have wanted to get the entire mountain and city view behind her. She admittedly agreed and onward we went. By then, I was getting pretty tired and I had no water left. Yes, how silly of me for drinking my entire bottle before I knew what I was getting myself into. I announced out loud that I was thirsty, which was not the best decision I’ve made thus far. As friendly as Caroline and her husband were, they sweetly offered me their water. I politely declined, per usual. I didn’t want to take their water and so I just suffered in silence. As bad as that sounds, I was okay. I was going to live. I told myself that I have suffered in silence before, when I was on my travel soccer team and so badly wanted to be benched due to pure exhaustion. Again, I was going to live.

There came a point during our hike where we hit a beautiful scenic view on the backside of the sign. We stopped to take pictures. She took one of me and I took one of her and Rodrigo. Up the mountain we trekked.

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We finally hit the back of the Hollywood sign (to where we could physically see it). Finally! I was relieved. I plopped my butt down and relaxed for a second. The thought of having to hike back in the 100 degree heat taunted me. I convinced myself that I wasn’t going to be able to do it – lies! As we approached the top, we took many pictures and I almost fell flat on my face. My shoes are not meant for hiking, only for running. Caroline silently chuckled (if this isn’t a sign that we clicked right away, then I don’t know what is).

We went from the back of the Hollywood sign to the front. During this time, Caroline had taken out a chewy bar and asked me if I wanted a piece. Even though my stomach was growling from hunger, I declined. She then asked me, “Are you sure?” This was absolute torture. I wanted that chewy bar so badly, but didn’t want to eat their food. I would have felt terrible. I hesitantly said, “Yes, I am sure. Thank you though.”

As we continued to walk and talk, I nonchalantly asked her what type of music she was into. She mentioned that she liked the type of music that’s from her country. Country music. She played me one of her favorite songs and I really liked it. It had a wonderful beat to it. I can’t recall the name of the song, but it was in a different language and it made me feel like I was in Europe again. We sang, danced and walked. All of a sudden, I had a boost of energy and I think they did too. When we turned the corner, the Hollywood sign appeared right in front of us. Unknowingly, Caroline and I both squealed with delight. Rodrigo was directly behind us shaking his head at our craziness.

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At this point, I was very dehydrated.  At the time of questioning whether or not I was going to make it back to planet earth, Caroline and I both saw a sign that said “Cold drinks this way.” I couldn’t believe my eyes. She too had no water left. We sprinted towards the drinks. I saw three good looking gentleman sitting in rocking chairs right outside of their small home. As we approached them, one of the guys said “Ladies, have at it. It’s $3.00 for the small bottles and $5.00 for the big bottles.”  I splurged on the $5.00 bottle because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t pass out on the way back. Water never tasted so good. We took many more pictures in front of the Hollywood sign. In that moment, I felt grateful because here I was, knocking this adventure off of my bucket list.

On our way back to the Griffith Observatory, we weren’t as chatty as we were in the beginning of the hike. We were all tired and wanted to be alone with our thoughts for a little bit. It felt like a much shorter trip on the way back, which was a blessing considering how tired we were. I broke the silence with a question I had been wanting to ask Caroline the entire time, but was somewhat hesitant because I didn’t want to come off as rude. She looked to be around my age, but I wasn’t so sure. And so, I asked. She’s only 3 years older than me. Not too bad. At what age does it become rude to ask someone their age? Any takers? Before I knew it, we were back at the Griffith Observatory. I did not want this day to end. When we said our goodbyes, Caroline surprised me with a big hug and yes, we exchanged our social media sites. I will never forget the first time I hiked to the Hollywood sign – a day to remember.

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24 Like Never Before Part 2

As we approached 88 mph (in an 80 mph speed limit zone), I rolled down my window and let the breeze touch my skin. I blasted sad music and let it touch my soul. Then, as night time began to fall, I cracked my window about a quarter of the way open and allowed my eyes to gently close, drifting in and out of sleep. Magnificent!

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I had never been to Texas before, so I was looking forward to seeing what the state had to offer. I must admit, Southwest Texas is where most of the magic is. My mother and I went to a small town in Texas called Marfa… a hidden gem for sure. Marfa is on the border of Mexico and it is an artist colony with exquisite scenery. The town is surrounded by desert sand, concrete grounds, unique architecture — stained glass, and small gas stations. To me, it looked as if I were in the movie “Cars.” It also felt as if I were the only person in the small town. Being in a place that I am unfamiliar with, yet have someone familiar with me, is what brings me great joy.

During the time we were there, we ended up staying at a very chic hotel called “Paisano,” which happens to have a lot of history behind it. In 1955, the movie Giant was filmed here, staring Elizabeth Taylor and James Dean. When I found this out, I had an entirely new appreciation for where I was resting my pretty little head that night.

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My mom and I went to a bar called ‘Planet Marfa,’ which was highly recommended by some folks we met at dinner. This particular bar was located between a bunch of trees, overlooking the desert that went on for hundreds of miles. As we walked up to the bar, a nice gentleman approached me and asked me what my favorite drink was. I giggled and told him, “Mike’s Hard Lemonade.” Not quite fully understanding the reason behind why he had asked me, he kindly bought me a Mikes Hard Lemonade. I don’t think he will ever understand how appreciative I was of that kind gesture. I thanked him and we went our separate ways.

I climbed a spiral staircase to a wooden platform, which fortunately for my mother and I, only fit two people. I met my mom at the top and we talked. We chatted about a lot of things. We talked about life and who we wanted to be remembered as after we passed. We drank our beverages and watched the beautiful sun as it set across the desert sky. What an unforgettable night!

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The sound of birds chirping peacefully woke me up the next morning. The bright sun beamed through the curtains and I opened my eyes as a small grin spread across my face.  “This can’t be real,” I silently told myself. With my mom lying beside me, I felt protected. That morning, we drank coffee and had a delicious breakfast, a pastry from a local farmers market to be exact.

A couple of hours later, we hopped into the car and headed west towards our next destination, Sedona Arizona. Now, before I progress, I’d like to inform you that if you want to view scenery that will make you cry, or just stop and stare, do yourself a favor and go to Sedona. Sedona is known for its red rocks. These red rocks will take your breath away, quite literally. Mom and I decided that we didn’t have time to spend all day at Sedona because we still wanted to go to the Grand Canyon that same day. We decided to go on a 5 mile hike through the red rocks of Sedona and then leave to head north to the Canyons. Sedona was beyond spectacular. In fact, it was so spectacular that I would fall walking upwards towards the mountain. I was clearly distracted due to being mesmerized by the sights. As we approached the top of the cliff, an array of red rocks came into sight. I took a deep breath and blew it out with a smile. I didn’t say a word. I was letting my emotional instinct take over. After our hike in Sedona, we ate some delicious ice cream for lunch, I held a snake and then we headed to the Grand Canyon.

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The Grand Canyon is a place that everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime. It’s definitely worth seeing. In my personal opinion, it’s known for it’s kindred spirit — (if you know what I mean). Ha. The beautiful thing about the Grand Canyon is that each rock formation has its own unique structure. Depending on the where the sun hits the rock, could make or break the beauty. It’s hard to describe, but it goes hand in hand with lighting that makes your skin look either beautiful or downright awful (boring). Because the Grand Canyon is a major tourist attraction, it’s hard to go without seeing loads of people there. If I were to be there alone, with my mom and no one else in sight, it would have been a different experience, more intimate and heart felt. Unfortunately,  that wasn’t the case. The chances of that happening were and will probably always be slim to none. That’s okay though. It was still spectacular. I’m happy for my mom that she got to experience the Grand Canyon, as it has been on her bucket list for a long time now.

The next day, I woke up exhausted and a little bit anxious. This was the day we would drive from the Grand Canyon to LA. The night before, we had stayed at a very cheap and sketchy motel in the middle of nowhere. I’m not exactly sure how this motel received a 4 star rating when it was more like a -10 star motel. This is partially the reason why I didn’t get much sleep that night. We woke up at 7:00am to hit the road early.  I mostly drove the entire way from the Grand Canyon to LA – except for the last 50 or miles or so. My mom drove us into LA. As we entered LA, I was full of anxiety because I realized how bad the traffic was. I asked myself, “Will I be able to do this?” My mom patted me on the back and reassured me that I would be just fine. She smacked some sense into me and told me to breathe. As we pulled up to my brothers apartment, there he was, waving to me and welcoming me to my new city, the city of angels.